Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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