How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
