my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
