i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
