dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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