he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
