For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
