Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You did what with his pubic hair?
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