So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
