Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
