we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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