Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
