Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
