I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
