1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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