so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
