Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
