I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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