i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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