k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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