if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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