We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
