I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
