you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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