My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
