we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
