it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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