I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
