I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
