You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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