if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
