I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
