fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
