i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
