Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just want to make out with him forever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
