even my farts smell like vagina
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
