Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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