Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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