Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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