You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize