im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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