Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
