I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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