I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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