Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
