there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
