Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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