I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
