We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
