I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
