The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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