drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
