I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
