I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you win again, gameday.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
