You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
