Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
