I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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